fancyjane

book excerpt

2010-02-26T11:53:00.000-08:00

If a person leads an "active" life, as Wiggs had, if a person has goals, ideals, a cause to fight for, then that person is distracted, temporarily, from paying a whole lot of attention to the heavy scimitar that hangs by a mouse hair just above his or her head. We, each of us, have a ticket to ride, and if the trip be interesting (if it's dull, we have only ourselves to blame), then we relish the landscape (how quickly it whizzes by!), interact with our fellow travelers, pay frequent visits to the washrooms and concession stands, and hardly ever hold up the ticket to the light where we can read its plainly stated destination: The Abyss.

Yet, ignore it though we might in our daily toss and tussle, the fact of our impending death is always there, just behind the draperies, or, more accurately, inside our sock, like a burr that we can never quite extract. If one has a religious life, one can rationalize one's slide into the abyss; if one has a sense of humor (and a sense of humor, properly developed, is superior to any religion so far devised), one can minimalize it through irony and wit. Ah, but the specter is there, night and day, day in and day out, coloring with its chalk of gray almost everything we do. And a lot of what we do is done, subconsciously, indirectly, to avoid the thought of death, or to make ourselves so unexpendable through our accomplishments that death will hesitate to take us, or, when the scimitar finally falls, to insure that we "live on" in the memory of the lucky ones still kicking.

from Jitterbug Perfume, by Tom Robbins, Bantam 1984, page 249

via Keri Smith's blog.

Nurse Janie

2009-07-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

my sweet dog-friend, Lulu, has been sick. she has been fighting an autoimmune disease that we have been treating since february. on top of that, a couple of weeks ago she developed a Huge-Ass hematoma in her ear flap which required surgery. on top of that, the drainage tube they inserted fell out and they had to do Another Surgery and on top of that, after the second surgery she came home with kennel cough. the poor pup has been on Crazy-Ass drugs and has been tired, weak and depressed. i've become her nurse, diligently wiping away her snot, cleaning up puke, and monitoring her every move to make sure she's getting enough water, food and love. poor puppy. today she feels better. I stayed home from work so she wouldn't be alone.

during the past week, when she's been at her sickest, my maternal spirit really came out to shine. I turned into mama bear, my heart bursting out of my chest with love for my baby. not having any children, i guess this as close as i can get right now to being a mama. all I have done is think of her, staying up late researching her condition, finding a holistic vet, giving her everything i've got. it has felt good to nurture her as now i can see she is feeling better. i was thinking last night about how my body has reacted to her sickness, how at first i felt helpless and cried each time i looked at her little snotty face, thinking about how sad i would be if i lost her. i do not want to be the person that puts such negative and selfish thoughts out into the universe. i let myself have one major breakdown then i snapped into major focus. i've been babying her with such intensity i want to baby everyone now. i called my mom to see how she was feeling, if she needed anything. i called my friend jeannie, who is a pediatric nurse, and told her how amazing i think she is for doing the job she does, what a big huge loving heart it takes to be a nurse!

also, i've been watching Nurse Jackie on showtime. i love it. alas, i'm not a pill-popping nurse like jackie but i am damn crazy so it all works out!

here's a video i made for Lulu the year we adopted her...2004! Music by Belle & Sebastian. Get better soon, dear girl!

Foxy!

2009-04-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

I found this old advertisement in a Historical Photos folder on a hard drive at work. I love it. It makes me happy. That couple is pretty foxy for sure!

Last weekend was pretty dynamic. I wrote a song on my ukulele. I've never written a full song before so this was a nice surprise. I surprised myself. The song is about my sniffling dog who has a bit of a cold and has been popping pills all week. Josh says he will record it for me so I can post it here, but that won't be for a couple weeks.

La Luna was full on Saturday night. She was quite Incredible and bright. And I got my period that night, too, so I feel very earthy about that. Being in tune with the moon and all. Maybe this going to be a good month for me.

I had a Big Conversation about an Exciting Opportunity that might turn into something real for me.

I drank wine, ate homemade hummus, and wrote a long letter to my English friend, Felix, who recently sent me two of the best mixtapes I've ever received! I love sharing music and discovering all kinds of new sounds. I'm working on finishing her cds up so I can send them over to her quick!

Finally, on Mother's Day, I rode the train with my Mum, my Dad, my Sis, my Bro-In-Law and my two beautiful nieces. We went to San Juan Capistrano, had lunch, and wandered around the old Mission. The gardens are so beautiful there. They are growing all kinds of veggies. I really want to be home-growing right now but my yard is way too shady at the moment. Maybe next year? Yes, next year sounds good.

wild things, excitement like love

2009-04-07T09:45:00.000-07:00

i am officially over the moon with excitement after finally seeing the trailer for the upcoming film "Where the Wild Things Are". when they went into pre-production a couple years ago, i was frantic about who was taking on this film since it is one of the most beloved children's books of All Time. happily, i discovered it was none other than spike jonze(Adaptation, Being John Malkovich) directing, dave eggers(A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, McSweeney's founder) co-writing and a bunch of great actors along for the ride (Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo, James Gandolfini)

I Am Super Excited. the release date is October 16, 2009. when i watched the trailer this morning, i actually had the fluttering feeling in my stomach,the kind you get when you feel In Love. Oh, it's just too much!

Weekly Inspiration

2009-03-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

This past week I've been eating a lot of delicious food, reading, and in general just enjoying the Down Time after 2 months of hell at work. I need to get back to the grind as I have a video due by the end of March for the school I'm working with. Basically, this week I've been tuning in and becoming a sponge so I can soak up as much information as I can. I feel ravenous about learning right now. There is a quote of Henry Miller's that I just thought of

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.

So here are a couple videos that I found uber-inspiring this week. Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat,Pray,Love at the latest TED conference which I could've gone to because it was just over in Long Beach but I didn't so I'm stuck watching the videos online which I suppose might be better because it's free. I had put off reading Miss Gilbert's book because I generally shy away from the popular, mainstream top seller thingamajigs but the book was a gift from my mom so I read it. And I loved it. I connected with it on many levels, being a woman who also traveled alone. So the book is good but after watching this TED clip, I find the author to be fascinating.

Elizabeth Gilbert at TED

& John Cage's Water Walk. I found this clip at wish jar

John Cage inspires me. I love how methodically he performs this piece, with stop clock in hand all the while looking dapper in a suit. So classy. Some people in the audience are laughing, I suppose some of it is hilarious, some of it possibly invokes nervous laughter from people not used to experimental sound but I personally found it beautiful and soothing. It makes me want to walk around the kitchen banging and clinking things.

I have OBAMA FEVER!!!

2008-08-22T20:20:00.001-07:00

Oh, George. I miss you!

2008-06-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

Comedian, Philosopher, Social Commentator, Wise Old Sage, George Carlin has passed away at 71. I've spent much of the past week since his death thinking about how he made me laugh, think, get angry and sad. He made my inner maniac fell much less alone! I miss you, George. We all do.

Finally!

2008-06-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

R.I.P. Harvey Korman

2008-05-30T19:26:00.001-07:00

Comedian/Actor Harvey Korman died yesterday at the age of 81. He was one of my favorites since I was a little girl watching reruns of the Carol Burnett Show. He and Tim Conway would create moments of comic gold together. I especially used to love when Conway would make Harvey break character and start laughing. I don't think I had ever seen that before on television, it felt so organic.

Working in live theatre for so long I was able to meet many people I admired and I was lucky enough to have met Harvey Korman a few years ago when he and Tim Conway came through town to do their show that included many of their old sketches. They were still hilarious together, they seemed good friends, and you could tell they just totally loved what they were doing. They made each other laugh and that made all of us laugh even harder. Harvey made me laugh that kind of laugh where I also cry! Laughter is the most beautiful sound, a fine expression of life and I want to thank Mr. Harvey Korman for all the good times.

road trip

2008-04-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

My pal Lisa drove us up to Santa Cruz this weekend. On the way up we stopped at a photobooth that I located using the amazing photobooth locator on photobooth.net

I'm on a mission to go to as many of them as possible. Woohoo!

I meant to write this in March

2008-04-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

and now April is half passed! holy cow the time is flying around here. Slow down, Time! My highlights from March:

Whilst walking with Lulu along the chain link fence that runs alongside a graveyard, we discovered a pig. A pig in the graveyard. Lulu and the pig touched noses. I couldn't believe my eyes. I ran home to put Lulu in the yard so I could go back to get the pig and bring him to a safe place. The neighborhood kids were interested and followed me down the street like I was the Pied Piper. I was on a mission. But I could not catch the little piggy rascal. Animal Control came out and they chased the pig all over the cemetary. I wanted to keep him. He must have been somebody's pet...he was a little pot-bellied guy. Hope that his family finds him at the shelter. In my head, I named him Sampson.

I bought bamboo sheets for my bed. OH....MY.....GOD. These sheets are So Soft and they feel quite luxurious. I've never ever bought nice sheets before so I splurged a bit when I got my first paycheck from my new job. I have been sleeping so beautifully lately. Bamboo sheets are good for the soul. Also good for the environment as bamboo is a renewable resource AND it's naturally anti-bacterial. Love it!

Walking alot. Walking early on a Saturday morning. Walked to pick up my car at the mechanic. Maybe 3 miles. It was a gorgeous day and really made me remember how much I love walking. You get a different vibe for a city when you walk. My city is very laid back. It's not like walking in New York or anything. People don't really walk here because most things are too spread out. There used to be red trolley car but it was the first thing to go when the big oil men came to town. Sad.

Settling into my new job. Making a few friends and then finding out there are 6 other vegetarians at the office. I don't believe any of them are vegan like me but when they found out I was, they decided to throw a vegan potluck in my honor. We are having it next Friday. I feel so excited by this because A)these people are open and B)I feel respected and honored that they are doing this potluck.

gratitude

2008-02-29T14:03:00.000-08:00

My sweet friend, Yenny, sent me an email the other day about a news story that was running in her home country of Colombia. The email said:

A woman found an injured, malnourished lion that was near death. She took him home and took care of him.

When the lion recovered, she called the local zoo to give him a proper home.

This was the reaction she got when the lion saw her again for the first time.

Here is the video link to the woman and lion reunion.

a little less conversation; a little more action

2008-02-28T15:39:00.000-08:00

i've been busy. here are some things that've been happening lately in my little world:

*I'm the audio assistant on the regional premiere of the musical, All Shook Up in long beach. it's a fun show with big dance numbers and cool orchestrations of elvis hits. It was a long week last week in tech rehearsals but now the show is open and it's just fun. everyone in it is talented and kind. a good mix. plus, i'm assisting my friend, the amazing sound designer & engineer, julie ferrin.
*i lost my voice due to a wee bout of laryngitis. on sunday i sounded like a pubescent teenage boy a la peter brady in That Episode of the brady bunch. now my voice is half back and sounding like a raspy wind, my housemate calls it "sexy" and tells me i should open up a phone sex biz on the side. i think i would laugh too much so that's not gonna happen.
*i interviewed for a full-time video production job. it would be quite different from my crazy theatre job and my freelance editing. i would have a salary and opposite hours of what i work now but i think i can do it and i need a nice change. they are already sending me through the process to be hired so i should hear soon if they are officially offering me the gig.
*the weather has been beautiful. i slept on the couch the other night because i was up really late and i woke up to what seemed like a backyard symphony of bird chirps. it was so cute. for a second before i opened my eyes i pretended i was waking up in a forest under a canopy of trees and i was snow white. the days are getting longer now too and that makes me insanely happy.

thoughts for today

2008-02-07T13:57:00.000-08:00

The pic is from last July...Josh and I in NYC atop the Metropolitan Museum of Art. They have a kick-ass garden on the roof with sculptures and such and of course it's overlooking Central Park.

I found this Buddhist prayer yesterday and I can't stop reading it because it gives me such a great feeling inside:

May all beings be happy, content and fulfilled. May all beings be healed and whole. May all have whatever they need. May all beings be protected from harm and freed from fear. May all enjoy inner peace and ease. May all be awakened, liberated and free. May there be peace in this world and universe.

I really do wish for all those things and sometimes I feel very overwhelmed with the troubles of our world. It is easy to get wrapped up in the cycle of confusion and immobility but what gets me out of it is focusing on how I live my life day to day. I think about what improvements I can make no matter how small, how I can bring joy to my family, friends and strangers in my community, how I can live more simply and be more positive.

I'm awaiting to hear if I will get an interview for a job I've wanted for some time. They called me the other day to tell me they are passing on my resume to the head honcho. I'm feeling uneasy about it because although I want the job for financial security reasons, I feel scared of how my whole life will change. Wow, look at me go, worrying before I even have an interview! Freak! This is sometimes how I am.

In other news, today is a lovely day and I am going on a bicycle ride.

good deed indeed

2008-01-27T20:13:00.000-08:00

I was walking with Lulu today after the rain stopped. I love the smell after a good rain. Anyways, we were walking up the street and I noticed a car with its headlights on in the driveway of a house I was passing by. There was no driver in the car. I don't know these people but technically I'd say they were "neighbors". They live around the corner and I walk by often. I paused and thought I should go ring the bell and let them know but then I just kept walking by. I kinda thought maybe they were about to leave but ran back into the house for something and they'll be back out to the car. I honestly thought, as we all have done at times, "that's someone else's problem".

On the way back home we passed by the house again and I paused again. The lights were still on. I thought of the last time my car battery died and I was stranded and missed work and it was a crappy day. I cringed at my memory and knew what I must do. I stomped up to the door like I was Wonder Woman or something (I honestly don't know why I had to walk so purposely) and knocked. An older man answered in his Sunday leisure suit (so cute). I could tell he was hesitant to answer the door. Nobody wants to be bothered by salespeople or worse, I could be some escaped crazy-ass dude from the hospital a few blocks away. Anyways, I told him what was up with his car. He was so thankful and I felt really good while I was walking away. I felt like skipping. So I did. Lulu looked at me sideways and seemed to want to skip too but working that out with four legs is quite a challenge. Maybe I should teach her how.

In doing a good deed today, I was reminded that I should always opt for helping out someone even if it's inconvenient or seems odd. It's way better than not doing it. Now that guy's car battery won't die tomorrow when he starts it up and it won't ruin his morning. Besides, if we aren't looking out for each other in our own communities, how do we expect to change the world? Who else will look out for us?

Oh, Sundance!

2008-01-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

This picture is from 5 years ago when I went to the Sundance Film Festival with some friends from college. I've been thinking about it so much lately because the festival is happening right now in the beautiful,snowy Park City, Utah and I wish I was there again with my chums but I decided this year I really need to save some money. Argh! Stupid money! I hope they have a blast and come back and tell me about all the sweet new films they got to see.

Luckily, the Sundance Institute has a great interactive website where you can watch a bunch of shorts and read the latest news from the fest!

monday monday

2008-01-21T10:49:00.000-08:00

I just stumbled upon this artist...david shrigley...i like what he's done, take a look.

His name is Arlowe

2008-01-19T15:01:00.000-08:00

This is my handsome new housemate! Well, my housemate's new dog I should say. She adopted him from a rescue in Long Beach. He's a year and a half old. He's a Brussels Griffon and if you actually read about this breed you will see they are often compared to Ewoks..which is hilarious because that is the first thing i said when I met him, that he looks like a little ewok face guy! He is! He's a real sweetie and gets along okay with Lulu, except for the fact that he doesn't like to run and play with her which annoys her greatly. Sorry, Lulu, you just get to run and play with me and the dogs at the park.

Gertrude & Stella

2008-01-16T16:30:00.001-08:00

click on image to play movie. this is a little video i made for my rat friends. they are the cutest and sweetest old timey gals.

My Patriotic Fervor

2008-01-09T19:34:00.001-08:00

In the summer of 2007 I visited the great city of Boston for the very first time. I should preface this story by telling you that it's only been in the past 7 years that I've become Very Interested in our political process and I'm somewhat of a nerd about it; listening to talk radio and reading books with subtitles like "And Other Great Documents of American History". I never thought this is what would happen but it's happening and I love it. I follow scandalous political moments like my grandma used to follow All My Children.

So picture me in Boston on the guided tour of the Freedom Trail. My lady guide, dressed as a colonial woman, walked us through the streets of bean town telling vivid stories of the American rebels, most of whom we were not told about in History class, like James Otis. I fell in love with these bad-ass patriots, fell in love with their ideas and the promise our youthful nation! I am one who believes with all my heart that the true patriots of this country today are the activists against our present administration. There are too many reasons why to list right now but just know that the list is the longest and most corrupt that our nation has ever faced. It's pretty disgusting, really.

I feel moved to pass on a tidbit I read today in one of my dorky books. This document I was reading was titled "Washington's Farewell Address". I found it so moving because he had first written it when he wanted to resign in 1792 but found that after his first term there was much demand that he be president again that he served the nation for another term as to not let the people down in a time when everything was new and unknown. In describing how important it will be in the future that parties put the will of the people above all he gives us a prophetic look into the future;

"However combinations of Associations of the above description may now & then answer popular ends, they are likely, in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious and unprincipaled men will be enabled to subvert the Power of the People, & to usurp for themselves the reins of Government; destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion."

Okay, I'm a dork because that brought tears to my eyes. Also, for your information, his farewell address was never delivered as a speech. Twas only printed in the newspapers, and it's quite long so I'd imagine it was a few full pages in type. Amazing. The picture is a statue of the father of our democracy not just a beer-maker, Samuel Adams, in front of Faneuil Hall, Boston, Ma.

two-thousand-eight

2008-01-06T21:01:00.001-08:00

this 2008 business feels hopeful.
i don't remember feeling this positive about a "year" before except for maybe turning 21. this year i'll turn thirty. freaky! this year is also bush's last as the fraudulent president of my good country. lots of things feel good about this One.

i decided the other day to get back into the raw food shenanigans i've been missing. it's only been a couple days and i'm buzzing with energy and optimism already. i also randomly decided today that i'm gonna try an experiment in this great oh-eight...i'm not going to buy new Stuff. by Stuff i mean clothes, books, dvds...random shit i spend money on. i totally love clothes but i really don't Need any and now i can force myself to think up new outfits with what i have or go to thrift stores if i have the desire;at least that's recycling. As for books and dvds, i will simply borrow from friends and libraries. I'd much rather spend my hard-earned money on delicious organic foods, necessities, and going out with friends.everything else seems frivolous at this point. that's my plan. it seems like a good one. you know? it's time to live simply.

sicky sick and john cusack

2007-12-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

I've been sick as a dog the past few days.
I blame a crazy work week (70 hours)for
weakening my immune system. Luckily, I was
scheduled to have a couple days off this
week anyway which I was going to use for
Christmas gift-making but now needed to use
as "rest" which ended up being fun because
all I felt like doing was watching my favorite
John Cusack movie, Say Anything and while I
was on the Cusack/romance kick I also watched
Serendipity which is good too because it's a
holiday time movie. People, do not overlook
this film. I know it's a cheezy romance BUT
it is filled with some truly great moments
and bit parts by Eugene Levy, Molly Shannon,
Jeremy Piven & John Norbitt.

Apparently, I won an award at work this week
and I wasn't there the day the suits decided
to give it to me. So when I went in on Friday
morning all these people were telling me
Congratulations! Wow! I wonder what I won!
It felt strange to thank them for congratulating
me when I didn't even know what for but
it felt good to be noticed all day for something
good.

I want to take this moment to thank my
body for getting sick. It forced me to
slow down and relax. Lately, it feels like
I've been working non-stop crazy hours
and I think I'm so used to it like that
which is a bit scary. So, thank you, body,
for the scratchy throat, the horrid congestion,
the loss of senses such as smell and taste,
the achey joints and phlegmy cough...you
have taught me a great lesson...
that hot tea and John Cusack movies are all
I really need to be happy.

unbelievable

2007-11-13T12:09:00.000-08:00

what happens when you get a couple of bored stagehands
with some leftover props hanging around. this is what i do
at work, people. deal with it.

daily life

2007-10-20T12:44:00.000-07:00

an owl i made for josh out of an old skirt.
phat grrl
lulu
war protest
a lovely tree that i see everyday.

life is funny.
i've been feeling strange but i like it.
i feel hopeful.

war poetry

2007-10-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago I had the great pleasure of meeting and hearing poetry read by soldier/poet Brian Turner. His book of poems called Here,Bullet has garnered numerous awards around the country and rightfully so. The book is full of honest and raw observations of the war in Iraq, where Turner served as a Sergeant.

Brian Turner did things a bit backwards. He received his Masters Degree in English Lit. before joining the military. He has been writing for some time but the experience in Iraq seemed to charge his poetry with something else, something that language can't define. He says in one of his poems, "I have no words of war". Although he so eloquently paints a picture for us, you get the feeling that what he witnessed is, after all, unspeakable. This book is just a slice of it.

I had such a huge, passionate reaction to his poems when I first read the book. Hearing them read aloud sent shivers down my spine. You know why? Because we, citizens of America, never get to hear the soldier's voice or the truth for that matter and when we do hear it, it is shocking. We hear pundits on TV all day long arguing this and that, playing games with each other, saying that they know what's going on in the war. Well, they don't know shit about what's going on. Until you hear it from a soldier's mouth or you go there yourself, you will never know the horrors that come of war.

Brian Turner struck me as a strong and thoughtful man whose eyes hold deep wells of sad memories. A man, not physically wounded in battle, but wounded nonetheless. It would be impossible to come home after seeing the things he saw and not be changed, not to be hurt in some way. Because that is what's human. That is what we are missing in our national discussion. The humanity. There is a massive disconnect going on with this war and I think that it will be a great downfall for the next generation of Americans because they are inheriting a country that has been made to fear their own government, distracted and brainwashed. This is a sad day not just for our country, but for the world.

If you are sick of hearing what everyone thinks they know about war and you'd like to hear some truth you should read Here,Bullet. It's not a political book. It's an observation. You can take what you want from it but it will change you. Mr. Turner posed a great question to a group of students at the poetry reading. He asked, "Just as there are bombs exploding in Iraq, are there not bombs exploding over here, in our minds and in our hearts? If not, why not?"

almond milk!

2007-10-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

Since June of this year, I've been making my very own almond milk. It's so very easy, especially if you have a kick-arse blender. I recommend a vita-mix. They are quite pricey but are so damn powerful. I make soups and all sorts of concoctions containing nuts and hard stuff and my blender is always like, "Really? is that all you got?" Seriously. I heart my vita-mix.

Almond Mylk

1 cup raw almonds
4-5 cups of cold, filtered water
2tsp vanilla or almond extract (optional)

(other variations: make chai, or chocolate almond milk, anything you like can be yours!)

You will need a blender and something to filter your milk with (I use a paint strainer bag from home depot, it's re-usable and durable)

*I put the cup of almonds in first, then add about 1 cup of the water(enough to cover almonds) Blend this until creamy(at this point it's almost like almond butter which is also very easy to make)

*Then add another couple cups of water and blend for 20 seconds or so.

*Add some vanilla if you wish and perhaps another cup of water and blend. The water amount really depends on if you want to make creamy milk or not. More water will equal less creamy.

*Line a pitcher with the filter bag and pour the milk in. Most of the milk will go straight through but you will need to do some squeezing to get it all. You will have almond pulp left in the bag. You could save this and use to make a pie crust!

*enjoy on granola, in coffee, whateva you like!

A Psalm of Life by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

2007-09-22T13:52:00.000-07:00

Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

it is hot...

2007-09-02T06:22:00.000-07:00

i have the cramps, my throat is scratchy, and i am awake. this is not good.

a new day

2007-08-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

from here on out i'm only doing what i love.

collage

2007-08-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

today

2007-08-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

my yoga teacher told me that i had grace. wow.
if she only knew how i've fooled her!

i gave lulu a much needed bath. lavender soap!
she smells so purty now.

i have some good ideas today.
i hope that i will make excellent use of my time.

new york city

2007-08-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

i was in new york
a week ago
all i can say is lovely things
about the town
i met cindy at a peace rally
we hugged in the pouring rain
a baptism of sorts
a rebirth
i need to/can do more
for the cause
her energy reminded me
of what matters

my east coast adventure
included a solo amanda palmer show
where she was amazing
and many more adjectives
i really love her
she moves me

train to boston
was a meditation
for me
i listened to music
as i always do on trains
the scenery
becomes a music video
for the song in my ear
i love that
it's unforgettable

i'm taking today off
need to make some raw delights
for my honey and me
we are trying to get this thing going
i need to be strong

think peace
.

Open Letter to Health Insurance Companies

2007-07-04T15:33:00.001-07:00

Dear Health Insurance Companies in the US of A,

You suck.

Sincerely,

Us, the people forced into buying your bullshit.

PS.
go see Sicko

teatime in a dream with boy i used to know

2007-06-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

a table separating us
two cups of tea
mine half empty already
yours still steaming
the spoon clinks against
the ceramic teacup
as i stir the honey
once more.

you are quiet today
i tell you
i’ve been missing you
for some time
and you only smile
as if you were waiting
all these years
for those words to
finally take flight
outside of me.

i'm sorry i was so scared
& i consistently picked
my mistakes like apples
from unforgiving trees
but mostly
i’m sorry that i forced you
to sit by and watch
while i ran around
trying to catch myself.

mothers day

2007-05-07T10:55:00.001-07:00

the living death

2007-04-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

in nature, there is no death. from decay life may arise.

i get to thinking about death so often. not in a horrible end-of-it-all way but in a thoughtful, curious, environmental way. a long time ago, i decided i didn't want the traditional "american" burial. i don't want my soul's vessel to be a sack of toxic chemicals stuffed into a sealed-up box and buried. although i've considered cremation, there are still some environmental issues to contend with there-releasing mercury into the air among other things.

i want to be a tree...or at least helping the tree above me live. i want to really go back into the earth, dust to dust and all that. there are such natural cemetaries that are helping people do just that. i think there are about 5 now in north america. i've heard of one in new zealand as well. here are some info links:

naturalburial.org

groovy green video post

grave matters book review

seattle!!

2007-04-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

Seattle was good to me last week. It didn't rain once while I was there AND i went to the MOST amazing veggie cafes! i really dig that city.

the Healthy Hedon (southern style deliciousness)
the Wayward Cafe (vegan galore!)
Pizza Pi(all vegan pizzeria-wowzer!)
CyberDogs (all veggie hotdogs!!! yum!)

the lunatic is in the grass.

2007-03-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

busy busy week working at the theatre & at the school. i had to go back to do a re-shoot for the video they have me working on. can't wait to get paid so i can plan a vacation! here are some links for the week. the classic album live folks performed at my theatre. they did dark side of the moon and it was amazingly radical.

classic albums live rocks!

10 things I've learned by milton glaser

wreck this journal page by keri smith

martha graham on being an artist

2007-03-10T22:36:00.000-08:00

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.
And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable it is nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive.

-martha graham

i spy...

2007-03-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

spring is on the way. i can feel a positive change happening.

anais nin

2007-02-21T12:32:00.000-08:00

my latest collage. inspired by/in tribute to anais nin.
16X20 canvas
paper, tissue, thread, glue, paint, net mesh.

february so far...

2007-02-15T20:51:00.000-08:00

our cat, Phat Grrl. clouds. vegetables for the pot pie. pleasure island. feasting with good friends. two jars of pesto i whipped up. the Perfect Sheese. tulips.

i've been having a sexy, gorgeous food month. i have always loved cooking but i've never been so connected to food as i am right now & therefore i have been making delicious, beautiful meals. this newfound connection is sparking a passion that is bringing so much woman out of me. i feel beautiful, motherly, spicy, etc!! i put music on in the kitchen and make a huge & glorious mess. lately, it's the shins new album while i cook. i love the recipes that are long and tedious. many raw recipes are like that. the other day i made "raw samosas". i made them in the morning because they have to dehydrate for 6 hours (if you've ever eaten raw cuisine you know it's worth it). in the evening we enjoyed them when matt & alicia came over. then i made a vegetable pot pie that took about 3 hours to make. i even made the crust from scratch which was very satisfying to me. josh said it was the best thing i've made yet. i think he was just hungry but i do stand by the idea that using only organic, local vegetables makes your food taste better. i also so enjoy the process of making healthy,luxurious food that people will love and i think my enjoyment of the making it puts good energy into it. i love presenting food. and then i love feasting on it for hours. a good glass of wine always helps too.

BUT, the best news of the month so far is that i found The Best Vegan Cheese EVER!~!!!! it's from Scotland and it's called Sheese. I order it from Vegan Essentials. remarkable indeed!

hmmm

2006-08-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

"....and then the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -anais nin