Nurse Janie

my sweet dog-friend, Lulu, has been sick. she has been fighting an autoimmune disease that we have been treating since february. on top of that, a couple of weeks ago she developed a Huge-Ass hematoma in her ear flap which required surgery. on top of that, the drainage tube they inserted fell out and they had to do Another Surgery and on top of that, after the second surgery she came home with kennel cough. the poor pup has been on Crazy-Ass drugs and has been tired, weak and depressed. i've become her nurse, diligently wiping away her snot, cleaning up puke, and monitoring her every move to make sure she's getting enough water, food and love. poor puppy. today she feels better. I stayed home from work so she wouldn't be alone.

during the past week, when she's been at her sickest, my maternal spirit really came out to shine. I turned into mama bear, my heart bursting out of my chest with love for my baby. not having any children, i guess this as close as i can get right now to being a mama. all I have done is think of her, staying up late researching her condition, finding a holistic vet, giving her everything i've got. it has felt good to nurture her as now i can see she is feeling better. i was thinking last night about how my body has reacted to her sickness, how at first i felt helpless and cried each time i looked at her little snotty face, thinking about how sad i would be if i lost her. i do not want to be the person that puts such negative and selfish thoughts out into the universe. i let myself have one major breakdown then i snapped into major focus. i've been babying her with such intensity i want to baby everyone now. i called my mom to see how she was feeling, if she needed anything. i called my friend jeannie, who is a pediatric nurse, and told her how amazing i think she is for doing the job she does, what a big huge loving heart it takes to be a nurse!

also, i've been watching Nurse Jackie on showtime. i love it. alas, i'm not a pill-popping nurse like jackie but i am damn crazy so it all works out!

here's a video i made for Lulu the year we adopted her...2004! Music by Belle & Sebastian. Get better soon, dear girl!